Endless Thoughts

Alarm(Pulse Oximeter) rings in the background

Am I seeing light after years? How did I get here? Did some magic happen? Did you help me? Please tell me you exist. At least give me a hint that I am right about your existence. How about giving a feeling of joy inside me?

I have a lot of things to bother about. Why are things happening again and again? Probably incidents are generated on the same framework. Hurt and hospital is mine. 

Did you listen to what they are speaking on news?  I was right, they are considering it a suicide. How will I face my mom and dad? Hope they understand me. 

Maybe on the other channels, they might be showing my rescue. What shits they are showing? "A student of ICT tried to suicide due to the feeling of being rejected from an unfair placement process. A rumour says someone with less capability took his place with some other means. ICT needs to reply. Students are on the strike for this injustice. Words are flowing faster than air. "

This is shit, let us check other news. "Is that girl responsible? Was girl aware of his suicide? Just now we got the call history record from our sources. She was on call when he jumped off the bridge. We wait for Suraj to wake up and explain what had happened. we will come with the latest news. Keep watching Local Samachar." What shit is that? Why are they pushing Sonali in it? I need to talk to someone now. Media stands for earning money. They think peoples are a fool. People will not notice the word rumour and question marks at the end. 

Mom? she is here. How long was I here? What is the date? Please don't cry, mummy. this is not the first time I have been in hospital in this condition. I hope you don't believe in the media. I didn't suicide. You know me. You are my mom. Please don't cry I am ok, just can't talk because of this oxygen mask. I will be ok soon.

Police are here too? Again the same. I won't be silent today. My silence has already ruined Akshit's life. I won't let the same happen to Sonali. Sonali is here too. Really they took her in custody. No no, this can't be true. I might be in some dream, a moment later I will wake up on my bed in my room. Wake up Suraj wake up. Please wake me up. Can't you feel my heartbeat? I am suffocating. This is not true. Am I still drowning in the water? All this is my evil mind, showing me this horrible thing or keeping me alive until now. Either way please wake me up. You have the power to wake me up. Try to speak a little louder. Shout at me, "Suraj wake up". My heart is rising up, I feel like my heart will blow up. Why am I still trapped in my dreams? 

Doctors are hurrying to me. Please don't come closer, can't bear any more needle. No, please keep that needle away. Mummy, please help me. you help me as you did at the river if it is true. Please help me. Please help..

(In a Child's voice)
 "Things gonna be, alright someday.
we gonna win, little to little and day by day.
Hope is all, we gonna need throughout the way.
Things gonna be alright someday."

(Getting control over breath and self)
Yes, things gonna be alright someday. Things gonna be alright someday.

Thanks, doctor for such hope. He said I am very stronger. No one survives this more than 1 min. Water, when entering with our will, is a blessing but on its own will is a curse. He says something is different in me which he can't explain but something which has saved me. And I know you helped me.

Thank God police just wanted to do the formality. Sonali is fine and safe.

This is the 12th time my mom is holding my hand and crying at the hospital. She knows it is common for me. At least, she should have understood it. Anyway, who knows what she thinks. The only thing that I can say is she is my mummy and going to be with me always and forever.

The doctor said we can go home within 2 hours if I don't get suffocation anymore. I will not get.

When I will be okay, I will first talk with Sonali. She is not the same person since we chat in the interview hall. I know you didn't hear. I will tell you later. She is very beautiful, how can someone not fall in love with her?

Did her mobile ring? Her boyfriend might have messaged. Why is she looking at me? Is she smiling?
Is that true what she said to my mom right now? After the final evaluation of the performance of every candidate in yesterday's interview, two more students have got selected. One of them is me. Seriously?

Don't speak anything. I need to hear what mom is talking on the phone. Oops, I can't hear.  Few words,
"Hello",
"Yes, sir",
"his mom",
"that is good news",
"What investigation?",
"No, we don't need the Job",
"No investigation",
"We can't come now",
"We will think over it".
"thank you".

What does she mean, we don't need the job?  I need to know the whole story. It would have been simple if I had no oxygen mask. It is a matter of a few hours.

after a few hours...

Why are both silent? Shall I ask about the call?

Do you believe them? Are they being honest? What will they talk at college? And why it is so urgent? Even if they don't give me the job, it will be ok. I will search somewhere else.
It is better to look at nature around me and enjoy this ride. I don't want to talk.

The air is so fresh. You know I always enjoyed the air on the face while on the ride. It makes me feel closer to you. Air at force breakdown the stress in me, carrying the heat away providing a calm, cool and organized thought process. That is all I need.

(While resting on the window seat)
I hope that sagas shall prove right. Then my life will change, unexpected things will happen, Nothing will be the same anymore. I don't wish more than a peaceful life. Hope God Understands it too.

I should talk to Sonali. She is the only one, who gives rest to mind and peace to my heart. She is changed. While we are about to get separated from 4 years of journey, walked alone and with a hope to get her someday. Does she have sympathy for me? Or does she really started caring for me? How will I know, If I don't talk to her?

I don't want to talk to anyone(Dad handing Phone to Suraj). They all call for sympathy and I don't need them at all.

(Suraj was dropped at his flat.) Mummy and papa have gone to college. They are treating me as a kid. I can take care of myself. They didn't have to ask my roommates to take care of me. It feels like they are doing me naked in front of the whole world. College is acting so idiot. Why is it so urgent to talk now?

(At flat)
Are they serious(looking at roommate's face)? For the first time, they seem to be serious. I need to note this date(29 Jan 2020), the day of newness.

(notification Tone)
Wow, after a long time, you see, I got the message on Facebook.

What?
this is not okay.
How Idiot a person can be? Social media sucks. I hated this for always and will do it forever.
I don't want to think or overthink. Things have been worse lately. You should have stopped me. You are intended to be my instinct but you really don't act at these moments.
No.
I can't see.
Something is pulling me away..No no no.... 

.............